I swear!

I do! I swear! In fact I swear like the proverbial sailor. Not only that, I have a favorite swear word too – fuck! Now I use this word to articulate a range of emotions like a happy surprise, unhappy surprise, anger, irritation and more. Now I say fuck with total disregard to gender while I use it in a conversation. However, the only consideration I do have is whether  swearing in general makes other people uncomfortable or not. Here is where the rub is. In my experience, on an average, both men and women are uncomfortable in front of a woman who swears. For different reasons, as it seems to me. With men it seems like they are unpleasantly surprised that a woman can swear. Now from my interactions with male friends and acquaintances I know that men swear among themselves as easily as the sky is blue. But a man swearing in front of women or women swearing in each other’s company is fairly uncommon. I have been told, by a few male friends in a manner of paternalistic concern that women should not use such words. For some time I had accepted this as a seemingly logical advise, since women around me don’t swear all that much, and almost never in front of males. Now, given this, I started to exercise my freedom to swear (in an innocuous manner) only in front of women. Here too I found that in many cases, it made them uncomfortable. But it appeared to me that the reason for this discomfort was different from that of men. Now I could be wrong. But since I know many of these women for a longish time and interacted with them with some regular frequency, I will venture my guess as to what was the source of this discomfort.  

I think listening to or speaking out swear words, especially ones with overt or subtle references to sexual activity or sexual organs make women feel like they are taking a bite out of the forbidden fruit. Somehow participating in the use of swear words is related to the “character” of the woman. This is not the case with men; all these women in one way or the other recognized with ease that all men swear. This acceptance is without any questioning. So based on my understanding then I can safely say that the unwritten rule of swearing is this – “Good girls don’t swear.” Hence, whether at an unconscious level or at a deliberate level,  on an average (and i could be very wrong here :))women believe that to be accepted by their peers or superiors (both male/female) respectfully, they have to espouse the image of the good girl. This includes the total ignorance of such words and their meanings, coyness when explained the meaning of such words, a certain pride in not having known them at all and conveying their act of distancing from the swear words and the person who is swearing e through non-verbal gestures.

Now this is interesting. Somehow, there are parts of the very language that we use that has now become divided between those who are born males and the Other. Or, if I put it a bit more strongly, some words seem to be regarded as a natural “property” of males. What happens when I disrespect such proprital attitude towards language and use it as I please? Well, in my experience, most men are always surprised. The point that I am most inarticulately trying to make is this—the power imbalance between men and women does not start at monumental levels. It may start with as little as four alphabets –F-U-C-K.

p.s. generalizations may be akin to a sinister double-edged sword. Therefore, apologies if these generalizations seem pompous. To others this may also be completely inaccurate. I draw from my experiences and bounded understanding alone.